Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
