Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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