she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
