Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
