I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
