Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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