That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
