Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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