you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
