very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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