GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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