So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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