I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
