operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
