next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
