So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
