So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
