I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
