haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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