if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
