What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
