i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
