I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
