My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
