how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
