If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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