You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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