u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
