I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
