he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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