he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
