I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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