I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
