You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
