Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
