My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
