can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
