If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
