Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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