Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
