i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
