I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
