Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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