It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
