Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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