dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
