if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
