threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
