did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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