Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
