I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
